Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The Conspiracy

I’m convinced now, more than ever, that George Washington and his cadre of fanatics are reaching out to me from beyond the grave to destroy my life. I came to this conclusion last night while shivering under the blankets in the cold sweat of a fever.

First it was Strep Throat over the MLKJ Day holiday weekend, and then it was Influenza over Presidents Day holiday weekend. You don’t need to have a temperature over 100 to be able to draw the conclusion that the dead leaders of this country are out to get me. If I make it through the Forth of July it will be a miracle. That’s why I’m telling you this now, so maybe you can save yourselves.

It all came together last night when I passed out in the hallway on the way back from the bathroom. After I regained consciousness from the brutal face-plant in to the floor, I had a few moments to myself to think it all through as I stared up at the ceiling. It is the Beadboard! They all want my beadboard. Don’t ask me how know this, because to be honest, I’ve forgotten the connection right now. On the floor the other night though, it all made perfect since.

We’re through the looking glass on this one people. They’re coming after your beadboard! We all must hide all of our beadboard!

9 comments:

J Auclair said...

Hah. Good post. I hope you're feeling better.

Sandy said...

Hope you feel better soon... you better guard that beadboard!

n54th said...

Drugs! Bed! Now!

John said...

I've spent two of the last three weeks sick in bed, so you have my sympathy. And, you can never be too careful with the restless dead and their rapacious hunger for beadboard. Keep it secret, keep it safe.

Ron said...

I was wondering where you were last night. I hope you didn't put a dent in your redwood floor when your head hit the boards.

Greg said...

No, not this old-growth stuff. Its much too hard ;-)

STAG said...

You sure you don't have "renovator's disease". That comes from taking down ceilings, it involves powdering lead paint, mouse droppings,owl and bat droppigs, mould, legionaires, and similar exist in ceilings, as well as a host of other things, many of which are really quite serious.
Keep a close watch on your temperature, it "may" be more than just "the flu". The fact that you rarely got sick in the past, and now experiencing resperatory distress might mean there is more to this than just the bad weather.
Although you should be safe from hanta, that seems to infest the southwest, and is less common in the damp north.

Happened to me when I took the barn down back in the mid ninetys....but that was owl droppings combined with beaver fever. I shake just thinking of it!

Take care of yourself.

Ron said...

When you go this long without a post I start feeling I should come over and make sure you are not sprawled out dead on your beautiful old growth redwood floor.

slateberry said...

Heck I want your beadboard too but I wouldn't stoop to voodoo to get it. I'll settle for blog pictures. That George--he didn't stop at cherrywood--had to go for the ultimate species. Never trust a pol.