Tuesday, April 04, 2006

On Sinks, Typos, Doors, and Marble

Well, the sink isn’t here yet, so the grand finale to the kitchen island is in a perpetual state of unfinishedness (Is that a word.....spell-check will tell me. Spell check knows all). I guess it’s just as well because my router was shooting blue flames out the bottom two days ago when I made some door-stop for the new side door. If I hadn’t spent $675 on a root canal this afternoon, getting a new router would not be an issue, but I did, so it is.

I would like to apologize for yesterday’s post. The number of typos in that one was appalling, even by my standards. (maybe there all like that and I just don’t notice) If I wasn’t so lazy I would go back and fix it but….what are you gunna do. It amazes me that I can read something a few times over and still miss so many mistakes. Is there a name for this disease besides stupidity. I know I’m not stupid, but man, it sure does look that way sometimes. Maybe I do need to hire an editor.

I got the third door in the butler’s pantry hung today. This is the door on the wall I built a few days…or was it weeks ago…I forget now. The wine to dull the pain of the root canal is starting to kick in. Anyway, at some point I built a wall and I hung a door. This reduced sized butler’s pantry now has 3 doors spanning 5 decades. There is the new side door, which is the 1880s door from The Ellory Building. It has 1895 hinges on it. There is the 1895 Eastlake door that leads to the kitchen. It has 1880s reproduction hinges on it. (I’ve lost track of the Eastlake doors so this may actually be an original door to the house. Either way, I’ll say it is if anyone asks) And finally, there is the new door in the new wall which I hung today. This door (sorry, no pictures, it’s late and I'm in pain) is a door from the 1926 addition. It is the style with 5 horizontal panels, and it has the original 1926 ball-tipped hinges on it. If this room could walk it would be a walking anachronism.

The whole room is just an odd assortment of doors. It kind of bothers me, but at the same time it doesn’t. It’s not a room that will be seen a whole lot so I’m not going to waste a lot of coveted Eastlake doors on it. I’d rather have an odd mix of doors in this room than in the upstairs hallway where all the bedrooms and closets are. I mean, really, what are my options. Unless pristine Eastlake doors start falling from the sky my options are few. I could spend thousands of dollars having custom doors made (snicker) or have a room that, if it could walk, would be a walking anachronism. Maybe I can charge admission and show it off as a freak of nature.

As for the marble, I’ve been doing more torture tests over the last few weeks…or has it been days. Anyway, I slathered on some mustard – no effect. I drenched it in coffee - I actually think I heard it laugh. And I also attempted to drown it in cranberry juice. Nothing changed. I now think that marble is the Rasputin of stones.

The untreated side seems to get very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, gradually darker in tones. Some might actually call it a patina. The treated side remains the same pearly white with subtle lines of gray and black just as the day it was cut from the quarry that produce Michelangelo’s David (Yea, right, in my dreams).

I think it is obvious what is going on here people. There is a massive conspiracy against the marble workers and lovers of the world. I think it is perpetrated by The Global Granite Consortium, of which, I’m not sure that one exists, the CIA (they’re in on everything), and Exxon-Mobile. I’m not sure how Exxon-Mobile fits in to it, but you can be sure their in on it some how. So, we all must go forth and spread the word. Marble Lovers Of The World Unite! We must hang together or we will surly hang apart. That is the only way we can beat back these ridiculous lies and the constant stream of misinformation that marble stains easily.

End Communication.

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