Then It’s Settled, I’m Going To Hell
I think it’s in The Old Testament, some where in the back, if you use a certain translation, it does say that if you drill in to an old door you will go to hell. In fact, if I remember the passage correctly, it says that your soul will become a urinal cake in the Devils toilet. I’m sure it’s going to be very unpleasant, but I needed a deadbolt. A mortal guy’s gotta do, what a mortal guy’s gotta do, right?
Well, today at the risk of damning my eternal soul to hell I drilled the side door for a deadbolt. The whole thing was really stressful. Not so much about going to hell, there was a good chance I was going there anyway, I was really only stressing about the door. You only get one shot to get it right. As I’ve said many times before, you can’t uncut wood. In the end, though, it came out good. The door locks and I no longer have a scrap piece of lumber nailed up there to keep it locked.
Because of the wall I built in the butler’s pantry the real back door to the house is kind of awkward to get to right now so this side door will become the primary door for the back of the house. I can get to the other back door through the kitchen, but I have it blocked with plywood right now to keep the dust out of the kitchen.
Even though this lock may doom me to an eternity of red-hot golden showers I think it looks nice. I bought two of these from House of Antique Hardware and had them keyed the same. The other will go on the Queen Anne door I fabricated last week. Here’s some photos.
Here are the holes I drilled. I’m not sure if that’s fire or brimstone coming through from the outside.
Here is what it looks like from the inside.
I’m not sure way this photo has a blue tint to it. I’m thinking it’s the work of the devil.
Tomorrow I want to put on the screen door seen above. This came off the 1926 addition I removed, but the hardware looks to be earlier. It was originally a 32-inch screen door, but somebody - maybe my future urinal cake buddy – cut 2-inches off one side so it would fit a smaller door. I added the wood back yesterday with screws and glue. The new side door faces south-east and has no porch over it, so it needs all the protection it can get.
8 comments:
So - in the case of the screen door.... you uncut wood eh? Hmmm
Say "hi" down there to the PO of my house who did the dirty deed of cutting a very bizarre series of deadbolt hole(s) in my front door ;-) Although, she may be on a lower level than you due to the drywall mess, toilet fiasco & lying about mice.....
Seriously, it looks very nice.
While you're there, also say hi to our POs who stripped, then pickled several doors upstairs (how do I get THAT off?), threw away most of the original hardware, and cut several old doors to fit new locations. GRRR
I hear hell is quite lovely this time of year.
Hmmm, yes, Burrito got me on a technicality.
I don't know, you did a great job on the door, it looks fantastic! I think you probably dodged the hell bullet this time. Good work!
I actually wrote about something similar in my blog... I'm convinced (ala Dante's inferno) there's a separate section of hell reserved for those that commit violence against old houses - however, retrofitting for the sake of making the house livable in the 21st century I think is acceptable. We aren't building museums after all...
takoma-bark.com
I have to agree with Allison. In any case, we'll be in it with you - we've knocked out an (original) curtain wall in our bedroom, so we can use it.
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