Tuesday, June 12, 2007

TOH 2147

As this weeks show opens the camera is following Hosting Unit #23 and the last of the Series 7 Norm-Bots as they hover through the project house.

Hosting Unit #23: “Well, what do you think Norm-Bot.”

Series 7 Norm-Bot: “I must say, this place is really coming together nicely. What are we going to be looking at today?”

Hosting Unit #23: “Today we’ll be talking about the bathroom installation. As you know most of the worlds water supply is so polluted it can no longer be used for anything. It’s mandatory that all water and bodily waste be collected and returned to the processing plant.”

Series 7 Norm-Bot: “That’s right, and ever since the mass executions 12 years ago for failure to comply, it’s become a real issue for any the new homeowner.”

Hosting Unit #23: “Just a few years ago, the thought of having a shower in a bathroom was unheard of. Any water that splashed on the floor could not be saved and was sure to spell brutal retribution for the homeowner.”

Series 7 Norm-Bot: “Sure, but then someone dug in to the Google archives and stumbled upon The Petch House blog. Greg Petch, as he’s come to be known, came up with an innovative way to have a claw foot tub with no shower curtain. There was a drain under the tub that collected any water that spilled over the edge.”

Hosting Unit #23: “It really was a clever solution even though those fools did not recycle the water back then”.

Series 7 Norm-Bot: “How could they know that they would be invaded by an alien race that would poison the worlds water supply in an attempt to wipe out the human race.”

Hosting Unit #23: “Well, they couldn’t, but isn’t funny that it was the planets beaming out in to space endless hours of inane TV broadcasts, which eventually irritated the aliens so much that they came here to try to destroy the planet, and here we are again beaming more crap out in to space.”

Series 7 Norm-Bot: “It is kind of funny, but anyway, what about the shower.”

Hosting Unit #23: “Well, naturally, we will be doing a Traditional Petch Installation, as it’s come to be known”

The Series 7 Norm-Bot and Hosting Unit #23 hover through the nearly completed bathroom as they go over the details of a Traditional Petch Installation. We meet back up with them at the end of the show.

Series 7 Norm-Bot: Boy, the Traditional Petch Installation really works well. It’s hard to believe they used to do it any other way.

Hosting Unit #23: I know, and of course, in later years, Greg Petch became more known for his sexual prowess than he did for his innovative shower installations and the term “Traditional Petch Installation” took on a whole new meaning.

Series 7 Norm-Bot: It sure did. In fact, I think I’ll go home right now and treat my wife to a “Traditional Petch Installation”.

Hosting Unit #23: But wait Norm-Bot, you’re just a Series 7, you’re not human. You have no wife, and frankly, I’ve seen your schematics. Even if you had a wife you would need a serious hardware upgrade in order to give her a “Traditional Petch Installation”.

Series 7 Norm-Bot: {The head module droops slightly.} “Oh, that’s right, I’m not human. I keep forgetting.”

Suddenly it seems something’s not right with the Series 7 Norm-Bot. The camera zooms in on the face plate, and you can see a slight trickle of lubricating fluid leaking from the ocular implants. As the fluid runs down the face plate it seeps in to the now distorted mouth piece and causes short circuits on the delicate internal mechanism of the Series 7. The head begins to smoke and then bursts in to flames.

The camera pans back to Hosting Unit #23 and with the glow of Norm-Bots flames dancing off it’s shiny armored surface, Hosting Unit #23 continues, “Well, that’s our show for today folks. Join us next week when myself and a new Series 8 Norm-Bot will be looking in to the installation of the houses autonomous, self-contained kitty unit. And hopefully the new Series 8 Norm-Bot won’t be plagued with the lubricant leaks like the troubled Series 7s were.

Goodnight everybody!

8 comments:

karen said...

dum de doo... greg, um... did you vent the fumes when you laid the tile?

Greg said...

This is what comes from spending hours on your knees staring at a sea of hex tiles.

Kathy from NJ said...

I know, and of course, in later years, Greg Petch became more known for his sexual prowess

I think there is a young lady in Russia who would say the sexual prowess came first.....

Josh said...

Thanks for a good laugh, Greg!

Angus said...

haha! Oh dear!

Anonymous said...

Man displays beautiful stained glass but has to brag about the plumbing (cute story!)

Alicia said...

Feeling better, eh?

John said...

Love it. Between Kristin's handshower and "Traditional Petch Installations," house porn may take on a whole new meaning pretty soon.